In the last week a tremendous about of anger, insults, libel, slander and defamation of character has invaded my life. Not to say that I’m used to it but when you’re from New York generally you say what you mean and mean what you say and defend yourself with facts when being attacked and in general most people have a difficult time dealing with that and THE TRUTH.
Perhaps because part of my mission is to uncover injustices, the fake, the faults, basically the B.S., I have learned to also not absorb the negativity that arises at those moments. I once was also an angry person with a short trigger so many things would and could set me off - I believed I might have been born that way perhaps bringing with me a bad temper from another lifetime. So I’ve worked on myself so that in THIS lifetime I wouldn’t feel so angry, so quick to judge, so quick to react, to not be such a New Yawker outside of the 5 boroughs. But the happenings of this last week got me thinking, researching and trying to understand what brought out so much anger from one tiny misunderstanding over a "thing"?
"When reason ends, then anger begins.
Therefore, anger is a sign of weakness." – His Holiness the Dalai Lama
I grew up thinking my father was such an angry person but when I understood all the injustices, struggles, poverty he grew up with I could see him in another light. Perhaps if there was a way we could see into another person’s sad lifetime we could understand the anger and venom they spit and try to look at them with forgiveness and have patience with them and NOT REACT “for they know not the harm they cause to themselves and others by spewing their own anger”
"If subconscious anger had a parallel in Buddhist writings, it would have to do with what is called mental unhappiness or dissatisfaction. This is regarded as the source of anger and hostility. We can see subconscious anger in terms of a lack of awareness, as well as an active misconstruing of reality."
-His Holiness the Dalai Lama
I’m not a Buddhist but I have study many different concepts in my search for wisdom and guidance so it comes from all sorts of sources. Many years ago the mailroom guy where I used to work was laughing at my frustration and impatience over something silly but of so much importance at the moment. His laughter of course bothered me until he said, “Girl, you need to go to the supermarket and learn to choose the longest line to wait in.” Classic advice.
I think anger comes from hate; hate is the opposite of love and not the team I choose to play on. I may get angry at times, I’m human, but my anger comes like a comet- hot, fast moving and gone. Not am I a grudge-holder, troublemaker, instigator or hateful person, I smile at strangers and look to help out where I can, in fact there is an imbalance of how much I give to others that is greater than what I give to myself and I’m working on that as well. Just don’t f*ck with me unjustly cause then you too will suffer the wrath that I can spew.
Where there is anger there is a need for forgiveness and patience with that person or situation, many times it may have nothing to do with us personally but the ripple effects can touch so many others it’s just so sad and something that we must forgive. As a good friend said to me this week, “the sooner you forgive, the sooner the healing will begin.” And I have forgiven, said prayers for and wished those persons well. And have applied the “lose early theory” better to lose the few thousand dollars spent already than the couple of more thousand dollars I would have continued to spend in the wrong establishment and in this economy! Pshhh!
Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem.
Forgiveness is realizing that the energy that we spend hanging on to past issues is better spent on improving our present and our future. It is in letting go of the past, that we can move on and live in the present, the NOW.
How do you handle anger? With patience. A person with great patience is someone who is respected, just by their nature, they are trusted, they demonstrate dignity, are loved by others and don’t bring problems with them. Thanks Christopher for being an exemplary example of a peaceful, loving and forgiving person – we should hang out some more, lol.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
The Buddha
